Ebert

It's been all over the news. Roger Ebert passed away yesterday after a long battle with cancer. A respected film critic for over four decades, with the help of Gene Siskel, he invented the thumbs up. Basically, you make a fist and extend your thumb. Try it. If you like a movie, point your thumb skyward, if you don't, point it toward h-e-double-hockeysticks.

Born in Urbana, Ebert briefly attending the University of Illinois before transferring to the University of Chicago. In 2003, he founded Ebertfest, an annual film festival held at the Virginia Theater in Champaign. The Virginia Theater happens to be included on the National Historic Register, we just haven't been there yet.

The 2013 Eberfest is scheduled for the 17th through the 21st. Personally, I get bored sitting through a single movie, the watching of several movies in a row for a festival is pretty much the worst thing I can imagine. Unless there were also bees, then that would be the worst.

Here's the website:
http://www.ebertfest.com/

Ebert didn't pull any punches when confronting a movie he didn't like. As a tribute to his memory, here's a list of a few he hated and why I disagree:

North - Not only did this have two actors from Seinfeld, it had a young Elijah Wood when he was short and weird looking. Well, that much hasn't changed, but he was young. North was practically Wood's debut movie, if you hadn't seen Back to the Future 2, Radio Flyer, The Adventures of Huck Finn, or The Good Son, in which he played the good son. North gave us this memorable quote: "We don't want Hugh. He's not our son." And if you don't know why that's awesome, you need to watch the movie.

Waterboy - I didn't know anyone who didn't like this movie. Then again, I was still in high school when it came out and only discussed it with other high school kids. You have Adam Sandler playing football instead of golf, and Cathy Bates not killing or maiming anyone. Also, this movie taught me that alligators are cranky because of the medulla oblongata. I think that's a part of the brain. Or it might be a Mediterranean dish.

Armageddon - This hate pick shocked me the most. I rated it with my Two Part Action Movie Test: Does it have Bruce Willis? Does he blow shit up? Armageddon gets 120%. It gets extra credit because not only does Bruce blow up a giant asteroid in a last, sacrificial act, but he also shoots Ben Affleck with a shotgun. This is probably the most American of all American movies. More American than Patton. More American than Red Dawn (the real Red Dawn with far-famed Houstonian Patrick Swayze and the beautiful Lorraine Baines McFly). If you didn't like it, you're either French or a member of the Muslim Brotherhood. The only issue I take with Armageddon is Liv Tyler plays the movie's hot chick. She looks a little too much like her father for my comfort.

Resident Evil - Zombies. Genetically engineered by a corporation for profit. This includes, let me remind you, rabid zombie dobermans that the lady protagonist kung-fus in slow motion. What's not to like here? Granted, this was no 28 Days Later or I Am Legend, but I'm quite comfortable with its inclusion in the canon. Also, I'm just going to say it. George Romero sucks. He should have stopped after the first one. And, yes, I know Land of the Dead has social commentary. I read the Wikipedia article, too. Even if I hadn't, the commentary is so heavy-handed and unsubtle, the only way you wouldn't catch it is if you didn't watch the movie. Or read the Wikipedia article. Also, it had John Leguizamo. It could only have been worse if Romero had cast Lou Diamond Phillips instead. What were we talking about? Resident Evil. Two Jabbo thumbs up.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen - Two words: Rainn Wilson.

Every M. Night Shyamalan movie made after Sixth Sense - Ok, fine. M. Night broke the first rule of Don't Be Like Joseph Heller which is: Don't debut with a masterpiece. Unbreakable even had Bruce Willis, but he didn't blow shit up. And I liked the premise of The Happening, but seriously, if I have to hear Marky Mark's whiny voice in one more movie, I'm going to go Full Elvis on my television set. Signs was awesome. I'll give you that.

Concession: Ok, maybe I was unfair to John Leguizamo. He did a bang up job of portraying the Renowned Dwarf Post-Impressionist Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec in Moulin Rouge. Also, the weasel thing in the Ice Age movies. But that's all I concede.