2/22/14

Cuban Sizzle Crisis

Salt Pickles
Last week, I started a batch of Full Sour Pickles. I didn't even slice these. I just shoved them in the jar whole and, hopefully, I'll end up with some proper movie theater style pickles.


In addition to dill and garlic, I added mixed pickling spice. I got it at a local hippie store. I don't know what all it has in it, but it's given the cukes an amazing aroma.

One week in, here's how they look:


The dill looks a little bleached out and the brine is cloudy, but these smell great and they still have a week to go.

In addition to the pickle experiments, I've started doing a weekly batch of quick pickles. Just to have some on hand. I added some pickling spice to this week's batch, just to see what it does.

Hot Sauce
Following the traditions of the McIlhenny family and some lady named Cholula, I started my own batch of fermented hot sauce. The McIlhennies use only Tabasco peppers. Cholula and Tapatío use Arboles and Piquins. And for you buffalo wing fanatics, Frank's uses Cayennes. For my masterpiece, I used Aji Dulces and Habañeros.


I stemmed, seeded, and half the peppers.


Then mixed them with salt and pureed them.


Now, they need to ferment for a month. In the dark. Apparently, they'll lose all their color if they ferment in the light.


Habañero
Means "from Havana" in Spanish. These peppers came to the US from the Caribbean, but come from South America originally. They've found habañeros in domestic cave sites dating back to 6500 BCE. Which means people were eating these peppers before the cow was domesticated.


Habañeros are hot. Really hot. They average over 200 thousand units on Wilbur Scoville's famous scale. This makes them over three times as hot as piquins, twice as hot as tabascos, ten times as hot as a cayenne, and thirty times as hot as a jalapeño.

In 2000, Guinness Book rated the habañero as the hottest pepper in the world. It's since been displaced by a series of contenders. The current hottest pepper is the Carolina Reaper. It can reach peaks of over 2 million Scoville units. Basically the low end of the legal range for pepper spray in the US.

Try one!


Parting Shot
The temps have shot up to the 40s, which, in Illinois, is flip flop and tank top weather. My neighbors have spent the weekend lounging by the pool, working on their tans.

Some habits are hard to break, though. Baloo and Bagheera still huddle next to the heater. Even when it isn't plugged in.


Also, on the subject of Tapatío:


2/18/14

Icicle of Doom Update

After a full day of freezing rain and snow, the giant icicle next door grew. Both in length and girth. It's now a full story high.

What follows is uncensored photographic evidence of this grisly occurrence.

The images are graphic, so if you have a weak constitution, close your browser window now.







2/15/14

That's How It Tarragoes

Pickle Update
On Poker Night last week, I rolled out the Indian Spiced Carrots and the Korean Style Turnips. Both were met with approbation. The turnips didn't have much flavor by themselves, but they soaked up the onions, garlic, and pepper. They were savory with a bite. The carrots had sweet curry flavor and a lot of crunch.

The Real Deal Half Sours did not make a public appearance. My grandfather liked to tell a story about meeting a friend at a butcher shop. His friend ordered a number of steaks cut thick and a number cut very thin. When asked why, he explained the thick steaks were for him, the thin for when he had company. The Real Deal Half Sours were my thick steaks. Best pickles ever.

Sochi 2014
The Olympics this year are held in Stalin's favorite vacation locale, Sochi, apparently chosen because it stays warm year round. In honor of the Russian games, I made the traditional Russian delicacy, brined apples.


The brine contained honey and salt and I packed the apples with tarragon.


In the bottom of the jar, you can see a grape leaf. Grape leaves are rich in tannin, a chemical found naturally in plants. Tannins make coffee, tea, beer, and red wine bitter. They also help intensify your hangover. They give kidney beans their red color and add to the flavor of chocolate. Tannins in grape leaves keep pickles crispy without affecting the flavor.

Long story short: gross pickles. Aine said they tasted like cough syrup.

I also made some quick pickles last weekend, but the grocery store didn't have any dill. I just used leftover tarragon from the apples. Tarragon has a flavor similar to anise or fennel. They all taste sort of like licorice. Not a flavor you want on your cukes.

So, bunk pickles this week.

I'm sure the fault was mine, not the Russians'. For more information about what they like to eat, read this article.

Next up on the pickle schedule: Full Sour Kosher Dills.

Winter Wonderland
It's still cold. There's still half a foot of snow on everything.


This conversation happened the other day...
James: I can't wait until it's finally up in the 30s again.
Aine: I'll consider it warm when I can go out and the boogers don't freeze in my nose.

I know what you're thinking. That's a lot of talk for a married couple. We only do it to keep warm.

I bundle up Crankles before we go out.


But he seems to enjoy himself.


Look at this.


I don't know if you can tell from the picture, it's a free-hanging icicle, six or seven feet long.

Playing Catch
Fatty's favorite toy is the plastic ring from the top of a milk jug. She wants to play catch all day long every day without ceasing.


She doesn't seem to understand that humans need sleep, though. I often wake up in the morning with it lying next to my face.


Some days, she crawls under the desk, sits on her haunches, and tugs on cords like marionette strings until the router and speakers are sucked over the back of the desk. When I've had enough, I kick her out and close the door. But she still doesn't take no for an answer.


Curried Millet Cakes
In red pepper sauce and topped with coriander chutney. Another new dish we tried out. I took a picture because it looked super fancy.


Parting Shot
When I first saw this truck, I got excited because I thought Radon was a type of dinosaur. Apparently, it's some sort of gas. I'm sure it's nothing to worry about, though.


2/2/14

Keep Picklin' On

Garlic Check
After about 4 days, the fermenting in the garlic jars tapered off. So I drained the brine, added soy sauce, rice vinegar, water, and lots of brown sugar.


Now, the 6 month wait begins.

The carrots are also coming along nicely. They taste tart and crunchy. Yes, carrots are supposed to be crunchy, but now they have that pickled crunch instead of the raw crunch. It's a whole different kind of crunch. Along with fennel seeds, garlic, and bay leaves, the recipe called for pickling spices. Which I didn't have. And couldn't find at the grocery store. So I just used garam masala. The flavor so far is unusual, but very good. I've moved them to the fridge, but I'm going to give them another week before I unveil them at Poker Night.


One Good Turnip Deserves Another
Next on the fermenting agenda: Real Deal Half Sours and Korean Style Pickled Turnips.

I peeled and sliced the turnips and tossed them in sea salt to draw out the water. Here they are after only 30 minutes. Sweaty.


The salt pulled almost a cup of water in that amount of time.


This is basic osmosis. Osmosis is the movement of water and water always follows salt. So if you have cells or tissues and the salt concentration is greater on the outside, the water will move out. If the salt concentration is greater on the inside, the water will move in. Which is why you decrease your salt intake if you're retaining water or have high blood pressure. Water follows salt.

After three hours, I rinsed them and added green onions, garlic, and pepper flakes. These should be ready in about a week.


I also started a batch of Real Deal Half Sours, named thus, mostly because they're the real deal, but also because they are half sours. No vinegar here. Brine, dill, and garlic only. These will be 100% fermented and should be ready in a few days.


What's the Dill?
Why, you ask, do pickles get dill and garlic? Why not cilantro and shallots? What's the deal with dill?

Well, dill and garlic are tasty. The flavors combine well with the cucumbers. But most importantly, both dill and garlic are anti-microbial. Since fermenting is controlled decomposition, you are establishing the environment for a specific type of bacteria. You want to kill off all other bacteria and fungi. Along with the salt concentration, garlic and dill regulate how much bacteria and what kind will grow in the jar.

Garlic and dill have been used medicinally as far back as Ancient Egypt. There's evidence that garlic was cultivated during the building of the Great Pyramid at Giza. By the way, while the Great Pyramid was under construction, woolly mammoths were still alive. So that was a long time ago.


Garlic and dill were probably added to pickles to preserve them, the flavor being a fortunate side effect. Now we fresh pack them in vinegar and can them, retaining the garlic and dill out of tradition. Also because they're tasty.

Parting Shot
It's not enough that she steals toys from the dog and then taunts him.


Fatty has also claimed all of my shirts.


Snowy Time Mystery: extra credit on the final exam for anyone who guesses the reason this line of snow remained after a rain.