Do Not Seek the Treasure

In my new apartment, we have floor vents to distribute our central heat and air. The kind I remember seeing in churches or schools as a kid. They look like this:

Full of curiosity and an urge to explore, I pulled one open the other day, just to see what I could find. I imagined finding gold doubloons, an old tin with childhood treasures of the previous owner, a passage to Narnia, or even the One Ring, slipped from Smeagol's finger. I found only disappointment.

And a lot of trash:

I excavated as much of the trash as I could from the five floor vents we have. I filled a box lid with secrets long hidden and clandestine tools from past civilizations.

Here's a list of things I found:

• a feather
• pens and pencils
• a Magic: The Gathering card
• cards from a children's board game
• pieces from the game Battleship
• rusty nails and screws
• foil from a Yoplait yogurt tub
• Legos
• beads
• a pencil sharpener
• toothpicks
• a Thomas the Tank Engine ruler
• US currency
• dirt
• weather stripping
• and Goldfish crackers (the cheese flavor much diminished by storage in an AC vent)

Here's the money shot: